The salad bar pizza at Colony Grill in Stamford, Connecticut. Big breath. Okay, here goes:

So I love @colonygrill. I've been four times, and the hot oil "stinger" pulls. Hard to pass if I'm driving by—a pizza that sticks to your brain, that you look for echoes of or replicate at home. Iconic. But more important, delicious.

On the flip, I hate salad pizza. I don't understood why it exists.

For years, I've known Colony does this pie. I never want to waste a pie on a genre I don't like, but knew the day would come. It came.

Ordering was an epic conversation. The waitress was friendly and informed, but never have I been more tortured. You can order it with or without cheese. Sauce or without sauce. No cheese, light bake. Sauce AND cheese. And a regular bar pie, half salad. You just CAN'T order it half no cheese, half no sauce, all salad.

Got that?

Exactly. I'm still confused. My fallback ordering questions—what's the most popular, what's THE way, what do YOU recommend—all failed me. It was a carousel of equivalence and explanations. The completist in me wanted to order it every possible way. The hater was mad this was happening at all.

I went cheese, light bake. I think.

There's a TON of salad. It's like, really a salad. HUGE pieces of lettuce. Sliced cukes. Cherry tomatoes. Carrot-long carrot shavings. Lightly but adequately dressed. It's like a vegetarian pita wrap. If you're a salad pizza proselytizer? Mecca. I mean, it's better than any other salad pizza I've SEEN in that it really embodies the idea. It's IT. Salad! You can't get more salad-y. Isn’t that the point? I have no clue.

Me? I've checked this box. Still love you, Colony.